tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post1115652567665690406..comments2024-03-12T21:24:23.240-04:00Comments on Emily Bryan Romance: Red Pencil Thursday with Anna BowlingEmilyBryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-46506561910777635642010-09-03T03:29:24.293-04:002010-09-03T03:29:24.293-04:00I agree with what everyone has said here. I think ...I agree with what everyone has said here. I think you have a lot of talent with setting the mood, Anna, and I definitely got the idea John was a bit on the depressed side. I agree with Emily that the bell is a good place to start the story--that's where you really captured my attention. I wondered what the bell signified. Actually, it only takes a few sentences really to tell us about John. I'd suggest take your best ones and forgo the rest. But that's just me. <br />Keep up the good work!<br />MaurineAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-24653272188320007562010-09-02T15:06:28.307-04:002010-09-02T15:06:28.307-04:00Thanks, Kimberly. More emotion, less grump and thi...Thanks, Kimberly. More emotion, less grump and things will move right along.Anna Carrasco Bowlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10578980454918684962noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-49276063197123260872010-09-02T14:25:22.518-04:002010-09-02T14:25:22.518-04:00Excellent work, Anna. I agree with Emily's an...Excellent work, Anna. I agree with Emily's and Gillian's suggestions. While there is a better hook that could come from the bell sequence I think the most important aspect for me is whether or not what you have shown as John's intro can/is shown later. Recollections through back story and his condition when he arrives are both viable ways of doing this without sacrificing the character's import or integrity. If these things don't work in the framing of your story, the intro works well, but some areas (the death stuff) could be condensed while his external journey (geography) are expounded upon. Just my $.02. :) Thanks for sharing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-82678705624869865172010-09-02T10:59:12.335-04:002010-09-02T10:59:12.335-04:00Mystica (great username, btw) the cross talk is a ...Mystica (great username, btw) the cross talk is a big part of what makes Red Pencil Thursday such a compelling feature. <br /><br />Gillian, I like one word titles too; sometimes those can have a lot of impact. Thanks much for your lovely comments.<br /><br />Sandy, thanks for the suggestions. I'm keeping a list of possible titles. <br /><br />Barbara, I'm glad you like John and the story's theme. He absolutely does get a happy ending.<br /><br />Emily, many thanks for the support and direction.Anna Carrasco Bowlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10578980454918684962noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-46923735616062122082010-09-02T09:45:25.645-04:002010-09-02T09:45:25.645-04:00Barbara--The bell does seem to function like a her...Barbara--The bell does seem to function like a herald of sorts--signaling a change. Authors used to be able to spend more time in the character's Ordinary World, but now we're expected to begin closer to the inciting incident.EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-4603588652860289782010-09-02T09:43:58.457-04:002010-09-02T09:43:58.457-04:00Sandy--Thanks for the title suggestions.Sandy--Thanks for the title suggestions.EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-50834017861122180592010-09-02T09:41:31.653-04:002010-09-02T09:41:31.653-04:00Anna, I liked your theme and the characterization ...Anna, I liked your theme and the characterization of John. I agree with Emily, that starting near "the bell" would draw us into dialogue and interaction between John and Aline.<br /><br />I really want to see John happy!Barbara Brittonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12553604185501843639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-28086926262019389972010-09-02T09:15:50.849-04:002010-09-02T09:15:50.849-04:00Emily, what a great job you did.
Anna, I have a l...Emily, what a great job you did.<br /><br />Anna, I have a logic problem too when I'm writing my scenes. It's always great to get the directional help like what Emily offers. <br /><br />For titles, I like Return to Draperwood or Journey to Draperwood. The title with return in it lets the reader know he's been there before. The story sounds very good.Sandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01843816981385732033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-43772377347774342632010-09-02T07:23:24.013-04:002010-09-02T07:23:24.013-04:00Gillian--Good suggestions! Thanks.Gillian--Good suggestions! Thanks.EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-15774068975383146692010-09-02T07:23:02.545-04:002010-09-02T07:23:02.545-04:00Mystica--Give and take is important to a critique....Mystica--Give and take is important to a critique. It really helps to learn what motivates a writer's choices.EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-88100565576912278132010-09-02T07:00:08.217-04:002010-09-02T07:00:08.217-04:00Anna, I really like your title, but I am a one wor...Anna, I really like your title, but I am a one word title fan.<br /><br />You set a mood very well, so maybe just condense his misery into a couple of shorter paragraphs and then move on to him meeting someone. I do think the details you provide paint a very clear picture. Nice work!Gillian Laynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15772849187702478349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-37570974128709454092010-09-02T05:57:27.484-04:002010-09-02T05:57:27.484-04:00Thanks for the cross talk! I couldnt get my tongue...Thanks for the cross talk! I couldnt get my tongue around it on once let alone thrice!Mysticahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10941269615559681014noreply@blogger.com