tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post3684329577710193831..comments2024-03-12T21:24:23.240-04:00Comments on Emily Bryan Romance: Red Pencil Thursday with Kristine CayneEmilyBryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-4155043655354404782010-07-16T15:41:05.616-04:002010-07-16T15:41:05.616-04:00Typos are the bane of my life. I stop seeing them ...Typos are the bane of my life. I stop seeing them after a while and the only thing that makes them reappear is time. I have to set a manuscriipt aside for at least a week before I can start seeing the errors again.<br /><br />Guess I need the distance.<br /><br />Glad this was helpful to you Kristine.EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-20846569574399932462010-07-16T14:00:36.732-04:002010-07-16T14:00:36.732-04:00Looks like I have a typo of my own in that last co...Looks like I have a typo of my own in that last comment LOL.<br /><br />except => excerptKristine Caynehttp://blog.kristinecayne.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-65623497221934149132010-07-16T13:57:49.780-04:002010-07-16T13:57:49.780-04:00Thank you ladies for your wonderful and constructi...Thank you ladies for your wonderful and constructive comments. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to not only read the except but to think about it and provide feedback.<br /><br />And thank you Emily for your Red Pencil Thurday :-)Kristine Caynehttp://blog.kristinecayne.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-17221068508043633642010-07-16T07:02:19.030-04:002010-07-16T07:02:19.030-04:00Glynis, you know I love for you to leave comments,...Glynis, you know I love for you to leave comments, silly girl.<br /><br />I hadn't even thought about the logistics of the width of the door. Good catch. When we move our characters through space, we need to consider every angle.EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-37637369901579855202010-07-16T05:54:46.668-04:002010-07-16T05:54:46.668-04:00Huge apologies Kristine. I put my specs on and saw...Huge apologies Kristine. I put my specs on and saw I had left the T out of your name. :{Glynis Peters https://www.blogger.com/profile/01175378917872403609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-13267370194383630902010-07-16T03:04:47.002-04:002010-07-16T03:04:47.002-04:00Thanks for sharing Krisine. I love the opening, th...Thanks for sharing Krisine. I love the opening, the feeling that a sniper is about to set to work. Clever writing.<br /><br />I felt it was a family affair for me; my daughter is Nicola and we call her Nic, my daughter in law is Vivienne and my cousin is Lauren, so your names grabbed my attention. :)<br /><br />Here goes, this is the bit Emily knows I cringe at, but I have a couple of cents to throw into the pot. :)<br /><br />How wide is the door? Would they come in side by side?<br />Nic sounds a ladies man, manners and charm. Would he not hold the door open for a lady? Even his agent.<br /><br />She sounds feisty enough to do the introducing of him and not the other way around. The cut of her cloth and confidence indicates a forthright woman. <br /><br />It would mean a few seconds longer before Lauren sees this gorgeous hunk saunter into the room. She could then wonder the relationship between the two. Maybe after intro he would kiss her hand, then move beside the agent and slide his arm around her in a familiar way?<br />That would bring on the envy.<br /><br />Anyway, thanks again so much for sharing and happy scribbling.<br /><br />Emily, thank you for another great Red Pencil Thursday.Glynis Peters https://www.blogger.com/profile/01175378917872403609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-49921924872634596362010-07-15T16:55:02.848-04:002010-07-15T16:55:02.848-04:00Thanks for leaving such a detailed and thoughtful ...Thanks for leaving such a detailed and thoughtful comment, Saranna!EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-17109932445437741302010-07-15T15:43:22.319-04:002010-07-15T15:43:22.319-04:00I love the opening line! Good hook.
"Oh, God...I love the opening line! Good hook.<br /><br />"Oh, God. His voice still held a hint of the sexy Québécois accent she remembered so well. She’d always thought it a shame that he kept it hidden in his movies and public appearances."<br /><br />This part here, if she's always thought it a shame, does that mean she knows him from a time before? If not, where did she hear it if he keeps it hidden?<br /><br />Oh, I see you hint at it later, but I think it needs more explanation in the here and now, if you can do that and not give away too much of your plot. <br /><br />Also, it doesn't come across the Nic and Vivien aren't doing the horizontal mambo. If she was really is friend, if he really saw her as a safe person, an equal, I don't think he'd feel the need to manage her with flirtation and manipulation like he does other women. There would be something in his behavior to set her apart. <br /><br />Also, it doesn't come across that she's only looking out for his interests, she seems catty.<br /><br />Again, your hook is awesome. I'd love to see where else you go with this. *g*<br /><br /> There's a stalker, huh? Is it Vivien? You can tell me. LOL. I could totally see that though. <br /><br />Anyway, thanks for sharing. I know it can make you feel a little bit naked having strangers poke at your baby. <br /><br />Best of luck, Kristine.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17774647553760700746noreply@blogger.com