tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post989331117816400671..comments2024-03-12T21:24:23.240-04:00Comments on Emily Bryan Romance: Red Pencil Thursday with CelesteEmilyBryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-89598481533840245452010-08-21T10:57:40.465-04:002010-08-21T10:57:40.465-04:00Emily--
I'm so glad to know you're back ho...Emily--<br />I'm so glad to know you're back home!<br />I loved this experience and want to say, for the miillionth time, thank you :)celestenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-57291317462077529132010-08-20T14:50:48.547-04:002010-08-20T14:50:48.547-04:00Thank you Marcy. I always appreciate your comments...Thank you Marcy. I always appreciate your comments. I know what you mean by "The Helper" being ominous. I remember reading a books called "The Fixer" and the protagonist (couldn't call him a hero) was awful, but he got things done. Just had no moral compass about how.<br /><br />Thanks for the angels!EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-67582149863424564912010-08-20T14:47:38.850-04:002010-08-20T14:47:38.850-04:00Jane L--Talking to a couple police officers about ...Jane L--Talking to a couple police officers about the gun question. Why didn't I think of that? Excellent!EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-62657436475711376822010-08-20T14:45:58.770-04:002010-08-20T14:45:58.770-04:00Kimberly--The F-bomb really depends on your tartge...Kimberly--The F-bomb really depends on your tartget audience. A couple 20-somethings were giving a workshop once and said if they didn't use that language, the people it was written for wouldn't buy it. So it pays to know your audience's expectations.EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-53634237434985410662010-08-20T14:43:27.957-04:002010-08-20T14:43:27.957-04:00Celeste--I really expected to be home from the hos...Celeste--I really expected to be home from the hospital on Wednesday, with plenty of time to add your comments. Unfortunately, it took longer than expected for everything to fall into place so I could go home (Dorothy was soooo right. There's no place like it!)<br /><br />So now, it's Friday afternoon, but I'll add your comments now. Better late than never. Thank you again for being such a good sport about the delay.EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-8008373988768056762010-08-20T14:37:38.496-04:002010-08-20T14:37:38.496-04:00Thanks for commenting, Abbie.Thanks for commenting, Abbie.EmilyBryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03542349086762747179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-65087882824085064642010-08-19T20:13:54.147-04:002010-08-19T20:13:54.147-04:00Hi Celeste -- Thanks for sharing. You've got a...Hi Celeste -- Thanks for sharing. You've got a great start: Emma is a character I immediately want to know a lot more about (I like it that she's a park ranger instead of a cop, a nice difference), and you do a good job of "showing" more than "telling", as Emily often advises. The title does seem a little 'meek' (though with only 500 words, it is hard to tell), but I can visualize cover art that would make that word seem anything from 'caring but reluctant' to 'don't need help from anyone and especially that person' to 'downright sinister' -- so it might be just right! Be sure to let us know if you decide to change it, because this is a story I don't want to miss!<br />Emily: sending angels with cheer and healing :-) .Marcy Wnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-11062191637246999112010-08-19T14:50:35.603-04:002010-08-19T14:50:35.603-04:00Jane--
Emma is an urban park ranger and not a poli...Jane--<br />Emma is an urban park ranger and not a police officer. That bit of info comes in the paragraph right after the 500 word cut off :(celestenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-35115145666668528902010-08-19T11:55:10.161-04:002010-08-19T11:55:10.161-04:00Hi Celeste! Welcome to Emily's red pencil day....Hi Celeste! Welcome to Emily's red pencil day. It is great to see some of our students from Judi's Rt course here! <br /><br />Your doing, awesome! Just need to tighten up your sentences a little like Emily suggested. Read outload and see if you can dump any extra words that slow the pace down. I love the first part of this story. Very interested in reading the rest! Let me think about titles, they are my favorite!<br /><br />Just an FYI, my neighbor and good friend is a police officer, she never brings her gun home. Her husband on the other hand is never without his even off duty. Talking with them, it is personal choice for an officer.Jane Lnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-74884740548728604202010-08-19T11:07:38.420-04:002010-08-19T11:07:38.420-04:00I do think the change from "she could use the...I do think the change from "she could use the gun..." to "she was tempted to..." would make Emma seem really frustrated with her brother without making her overdramatic. <br /><br />Sometimes the "f bomb" is just appropriate, and I think it clues readers into how tired Emma really is of her brother's behavior. <br /><br />Good job Celeste! You've got a great start!Motivational Mondayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11891605066514087905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-44341504917318979782010-08-19T09:58:35.942-04:002010-08-19T09:58:35.942-04:00Emily-- hope you're back home and back to norm...Emily-- hope you're back home and back to normal very soon! <br />Abbie-- thanks!<br />I'm not sure what happened, but none of my replies to Emily's comments are on here. I'll keep an eye on it today and try to answer any questions that come up.Celestenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3217012316587200736.post-41793821807665079442010-08-19T08:48:57.038-04:002010-08-19T08:48:57.038-04:00Awesome job Celeste! I certainly want to read mor...Awesome job Celeste! I certainly want to read more!<br />AbbieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com