The Last Romance Taboo

It's splashed across the cover of magazines. It's fodder for primetime and the movies. Our newschannels fill their spare air time with the foibles of the famous. It's estimated that 30-60% of all married people in the US will engage in it at some point.

But it's a third rail romance authors are leery of touching. It's infidelity. And while the romance tent is expanding in a number of ways, this is one topic that isn't finding its way into print very often.

Most recently, Sherry Thomas, (one of my favorite authors) danced around the theme in her NOT QUITE A HUSBAND. But even the fearless Ms. Thomas couldn't deal with it directly. In this story, the infidelity took place prior to the wedding vows, but the husband's last fling tainted the marriage so deeply, the story begins with the couple about to finalize a divorce.

It surprises me sometimes that we romance readers are willing to accept rakish heroes who will mount anything that moves, so long as he instantly becomes the rock of constancy once he meets the heroine. Perhaps our genre should be renamed Romantic Fantasy.

Infidelity is a rich minefield of human experience for an author to explore. Yes, it's painful. It's devastating. Many people decide to throw up their hands and walk away from the relationship, and I can't blame them.

But I think the story of two people losing each other, finding each other again, and reinventing their relationship is one I'd like to read. Re-establishing trust is the deepest of all internal conflicts and the outcome is not a certainty.

What do you think? Have you read a romance with an infidelity theme? Would you be more likely to read a novel about infidelity if the cheater was female? What would a straying character have to do in order to merit a Happily Ever After?

PS. It's Chatelaine Friday! Please join me over there for a peek at my spring travel plans!

Valentine's Day is a Crock!

When people learn that I'm a romance author, they make several immediate assumptions about me.

1. They think I know a good deal more about having sex than most people.

2. They think my marriage must be filled with grand romantic gestures and endless spendy candlelight dinners.

3. They think I make tons of money on the sale of each book.

Two of those things are not true.

My DH and I have been married for far longer than either of us was single. Early in our marriage, we were starving students. My DH spent plenty of time walking me to class and carrying my books! We couldn't afford to give each other gifts for Valentine's Day. Then later when we could afford it, we weren't in practice. So now, Valentine's Day passes like any other day for us.

I've really never understood why it was so important to give and receive flowers or chocolates or gifts on this particular day. My DH often brings me flowers for no particular reason, which means far more to me than if he did it when he was being pressured by marketing forces to do something tangible.

We try to show each other love every day with words, physical affection and pleasing each other in little ways. We don't need a special day for it. We don't need champagne and chocolate. Every day is the right day to show love in small ways.

So what are we doing for Valentine's Day? My DH and I are driving to Duxbury, MA where I'll be speaking with Marie Force and Diaz Dalton at The Duxbury Free Library, 2 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 14. We'll discuss the elements of the romance novel and our experiences with writing and publishing. The library is at 77 Alden St. If you're in New England, I'd love to see you there!

And what will my DH be doing? Carrying my books, of course!

So what are your plans for Valentine's Day? Have you had a really romantic experience on this day? Or did it happen on some other non-romance specified day?

PS. FYI, I don't make a ton of money on each book! ;-)